


Not a New Agent

by Keziah



Category: Warehouse 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 06:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2259768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keziah/pseuds/Keziah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when someone comes to Univille and needs a place to stay the night. This is a B&B, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not a New Agent

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in a magical universe where HG and Steve are both working at the warehouse at the same time. No one is dead or evil or undercover or a ghost or anything. A happy place. No spoilers for anything, except HG and Steve are there, so you probably should have seen through season 3, at least. I had lots of fun writing it, so I hope you have lots of fun reading it. Enjoy!

Joe pulled up to Leena’s Bed & Breakfast in the late afternoon. He’d never been in Univille before, but it was half way between home and the conference his boss had sprung on him. The B&B was old, but obviously cared for. He supposed it used to be some mansion that got converted when it was too expensive to keep up, but his historical architectural knowledge was lacking. He stepped out of the car, admiring the well-kept house and grounds. Suddenly a man came pelting around the corner, carrying a box, and pursued by a woman, tall with curly dark hair and an impressive sprint.

“Pete! Pete! Tracy sent that box to me! Yes, I know it has cookies, but they are mine! If you don’t give them to me right now you won’t get a crumb!” At that point the man, Pete, saw Joe and screeched to a stop, staring. Pete didn’t even register when the woman snatched the box away and carefully examined the contents.

“Hey.” Pete said, poking the woman. “Hey Mykes. Hey.” The woman looked up and stared also. “Hi.” Joe said, when the staring got awkward. “I was told this was the place to stay in Univille.”

“Uhn-uh-vil.” the woman corrected his pronunciation, but in a distracted sort of way. “This is definitely the place to stay. Claudia!” The last was a yell directed at the front door. “Claudia, get out here!” A young woman poked her head out of the house. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell us we were getting someone new?”

“Because I didn’t know! We are? Why would I know?”

“ ‘Cause you and Mrs. Frederic are way tight.” Pete replied.

“Not that tight!” and Claudia reentered the B&B.

Pete turned to Joe. “Hi, I’m Pete Lattimer.” He held out his hand.

“Joe Grant. Sorry about not calling ahead. This trip was a bit sudden.”

“I get that! I’m Myka Bering.” The woman shook his hand as well. “Come on in.”

As they walked toward the house Pete snuck his hand toward the box Myka was carrying. She didn’t even look around as she smacked him. “Stop stealing my cookies and go find Leena!”

 

The inside of the building was as well-kept as the outside. Myka ushered him into a parlor just off the main hall. Joe looked around. There was an old piano to one side, as well as the usual couches and end tables. One coffee table was completely covered in what looked like bits of computer, various gears, and assorted blueprints. The young woman, Claudia, that had poked her head out earlier, was in deep discussion with an attractive black-haired woman; they were both bent over the table debating the finer points of, well, something electronic. Myka glanced at the two of them and sighed. “Whatever you’re doing, don’t let Artie catch you.”

“What?” The black-haired woman looked up. “I brought you the tesla in the first place, how ever could Artie object?” Joe blinked. He hadn’t expected to hear a British accent in South Dakota.

A young man that Joe hadn’t noticed spoke up. “Because it’s Artie. He’s barely adapted to the fact that you’re here, HG.” The woman smirked, and the young man continued. “Who’s this?”

“Ah.” Myka stammered. “Joe Grant. This is Claudia Donovan, Steve Jinks, and HG Wells. Guys, this is Joe.” They all nodded some sort of greeting. Joe turned to HG, curious. “Um, if you don’t mind me saying, ‘HG’ Wells? Your parents must have had a sense of humor.”

“Not really.” she replied. “It was quite by accident my name came out like this.”

Steve shook his head and turned back to his book, Claudia snickered, and Joe could tell Myka was hiding a smile. He was about to ask what was so funny, when Pete walked in. “I couldn’t find Leena. Anyone know where she is?”

“The warehouse, I think, with Artie.” Claudia said. “Was she there when you took the tour?” They all looked expectantly at Joe. “What tour?”

“You haven’t had the tour yet?” Myka asked him.  
Joe felt put on the spot. “Tour? Of what? I did just get here. I’m on my way to a conference, so I’ll only be staying one night. I don’t think I need a tour.”

They all stared at him blankly. Steve eventually muttered. “He’s not lying.” Myka started at that. “Right. Of course you are only here for one night. That’s what a B&B is for. I’m going to go call Leena.” she said, pointing towards the door. She practically ran outside.

The others began moving as well. HG and Claudia returned to their project, but with lowered voices and lots of pauses. Pete took the chance to grab Myka’s box and go into the kitchen. Steve walked over to Joe and struck up conversation. “Sorry about all the confusion. Leena owns the place and she takes care of any customers. We aren’t usually around when they show up.”

Joe paused. “You’ve been here a while then?”

“Yeah, we all have. We work nearby. So, where you from?” Joe and Steve spent the next twenty minutes or so in the usual pleasantries. Steve apparently had transferred from the ATF to the IRS, and everyone else worked for the IRS as well. “IRS? They need this many people out here?” Joe queried. “Oh yeah, there is a warehouse here that stores copies of everyone’s tax returns. We manage all that.” Steve replied.

Joe grinned. “You can’t be very popular in town.”

Steve shook his head. “No, not so much.”

The door opened and a pretty woman with dark skin and dark hair came in. The new woman found Joe across the room and introduced herself. “Hi.” She smiled. “I’m Leena. I run the B&B. You need a room for tonight?”

“Yes, just tonight, thank you.”

“Absolutely. Come with me and we can get you signed in and then I’ll show you to a room.”

Joe stood up and followed, telling Steve, “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Enjoy your stay.” Steve answered.

 

After the usual business, signing in, paying, collecting his bag from the trunk, Leena led him up the front stairs and to a room. As she moved to open the door, HG came out. “Oh, sorry,” she said, “I’ll get out of your way. I was just borrowing a book.” She gestured to the stack of books under her arm, and dashed across the hall to another room. Leena smiled serenely, and waved Joe into the room. “I’ll let you get comfortable. We will be having dinner at 6, and you are welcome to join us. It is included with the room.”

“Uh, thanks. I’ll do that.”

The room looked very homey. There were books on the bookcase, and real hangers in the closet. One of the dresser drawers was slightly open, although it was empty. There also weren’t any of the usual hotel amenities, like a luggage rack, or an iron. There was a connecting bathroom, but there weren’t any towels or toiletries. Just as he thought that, a knock came at his door. It was Leena, with a stack of towels. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

"Thanks." He unpacked his essentials, and went back down to the parlor. No one was in there at the moment, so he wandered around looking at stuff. There was a snow globe on one of the end tables. He bent down, trying to get a better look; it was very intricate. When Leena entered, he commented on it. She graciously accepted his compliment, and announced that dinner would be ready shortly.

 

Dinner was very delicious. He and Steve swapped some stories about his time in the army and Steve’s time in ATF. After dinner, Claudia asked if he wanted to play cards. “But not poker.” Claudia assured him. “We never play poker with Steve. It’s just not fair. I’m thinking whist, because you need four players for that, and we rarely have four players because those two won’t play with us.” Joe looked over to where Claudia had gestured. Myka was reading quietly at one end of a couch, while HG sketched at the other end. Myka and HG looked up. “Won’t play with you? I believe you banned us.” HG purred.

“Well, you cheat, and Myka memorizes all the cards.” Claudia retorted. The two women on the couch smirked simultaneously and returned to their activities. “Sure, I’ll play.” Joe answered. This would be much better than retreating to his room. They played a couple rounds and Joe enjoyed himself immensely. The others seemed equally absorbed until something caught Pete’s ear. “They’re sharing a room?” Pete muttered to Claudia.

“Of course they’re sharing a room!” Claudia stared at Pete.

Pete got a look of pure joy on his face. “Myka and Helena,” he sang, “sitting in a tree . . .” Before he could get any further, there was a zap, and Pete yelped. HG was standing near the table, smirking. She leaned down and murmured something to Claudia that caused her to snort and hastily turn back to the cards. “Whose turn is it to deal?” the young woman asked brightly. HG left the room and they played another round. Joe finally excused himself after looking at his watch and remembering the long drive he had the next day. Fortunately, the bed was very comfortable; he slept soundly and woke refreshed.

 

In the morning, he came down to breakfast to find a short fat man in the hallway. The man proceeded to glare at him. “Who’s this?” He then turned to glare at Leena. “What’s he doing here?”

“He’s a customer, Artie. This is a Bed & Breakfast, and we do get customers once in a while. Even way out here in Univille.”

Artie’s only response was to glare at Joe again, and then walk into the parlor shouting. “Pete! Myka! Claudia! Steve! Get in here! Yes, all right, you too, HG!” They gathered in the sun room and started some discussion that involved the passing out of files and lots of gesticulating. Joe ate his (delicious) breakfast quickly, and then checked out. He had a long way to go to get to his conference, and plenty of stops on the way. Once in the car he smiled. He might have to stop here again. This was the most enjoyable B&B experience he had ever had.

 

_18 hours earlier_

 

It had been a quiet couple of days at the Warehouse, and Artie had finally banished them all to the B&B, tired of the goofing off that happened during inventory. Myka was sitting in the dining room cleaning her gun when Pete burst in with a box. “You have a package, Myka! Can I open it? Please? Pretty please?”

“Sure, fine.” She was a bit distracted by a sticky spring. Pete tore the package open. “Cookies! From Tracy! She makes the best!” Myka looked up and lunged for the box. Pete dashed out of the room, and Myka sprinted after him, hollering. Pete made it out the back door and started around the house. She yelled after him. “Pete! Pete! Tracy sent that box to me! Yes, I know it has cookies, but they are mine! If you don’t give them to me right now you won’t get a crumb!” He stopped in the driveway and she grabbed the box from him, looking carefully at the contents. Two dozen of Tracy’s finest snickerdoodles. None were missing, and none had been harmed. Thank goodness. Her examination was interrupted by Pete poking her. “Hey. Hey Mykes. Hey.” She looked up. There was a strange car in the driveway, with a guy in a suit standing next to it. “Hi.” he said, “I was told this was the place to stay in Univille.”

“Uhn-uh-vil.” Myka unconsciously corrected his pronunciation. “This is definitely the place to stay.” She turned towards the house. She wasn’t expecting a new agent, but Claudia should know. She _was_ the next caretaker, and Mrs. Frederic had been giving her a lot of lessons. “Claudia! Claudia, get out here!”

Claudia poked her head out of the door. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell us we were getting someone new?”

“Because I didn’t know! We are? Why would I know?”

“ ‘Cause you and Mrs. Frederic are way tight.” Pete replied.

“Not that tight!” and Claudia reentered the B&B.

Pete turned to Joe. “Hi, I’m Pete Lattimer.” He held out his hand.

The fellow smiled. “Joe Grant. Sorry about not calling ahead. This trip was a bit sudden.”

Myka smiled. “I get that! I’m Myka Bering. Come on in.”

As they walked toward the house Pete snuck his hand toward the box Myka was carrying. She smacked him thoroughly. They had a new agent and he was still trying to eat her cookies. “Stop stealing my cookies and go find Leena!”

Myka ushered Joe into the parlor, while Pete scampered into the kitchen, looking for Leena. Helena and Claudia were at the table, disassembling a tesla. Myka sighed. “Whatever you’re doing, don’t let Artie catch you.”

“What?” Helena looked up, a slight smirk on her mouth. “I brought the warehouse the tesla in the first place, how ever could Artie object?” Steve saved Myka the trouble of explaining. “Because it’s Artie. He’s barely adapted to the fact that you’re here, HG.” Helena’s smirk just got bigger.

Steve kept going. “Who’s this?”

“Ah.” Myka stammered. “Joe Grant. This is Claudia Donovan, Steve Jinks, and HG Wells. Guys, this is Joe.” They all nodded some sort of greeting. Of course, Joe turned first to the beautiful HG. “Um, if you don’t mind me saying, ‘HG’ Wells? Your parents must have had a sense of humor.”

“Not really.” she replied. “It was quite by accident my name came out like this.”

Steve shook his head and turned back to his book, Claudia snickered, and Myka did her best to hide a smile. She was grateful that Pete walked in then, so she didn’t have to explain the joke. Pete spoke up, “I couldn’t find Leena. Anyone know where she is?”

“The warehouse, I think, with Artie.” Claudia said. “Was she there when you took the tour?” Myka turned and looked expectantly at Joe. He looked confused. “What tour?”

“You haven’t had the tour yet?” Myka said, surprised  
“Tour? Of what? I did just get here. I’m on my way to a conference, so I’ll only be staying one night. I don’t think I need a tour.”

There was a long pause. Steve eventually muttered. “He’s not lying.” Myka started at that. “Right. Of course you are only here for one night. That’s what a B&B is for. I’m going to go call Leena.” she said, unsure how to handle a normal B&B guest.

 

She speed-walked outside, pulling out her Farnsworth as she went. Fortunately, Leena answered quickly. Myka blurted the whole situation out. “Leena, there’s a guy here at the B&B and he’s just here to spend the night, like this is a real B&B, and we invited him in and everything because we thought he was a new agent, because who else would be coming here, and we don’t have an open room and what do we do?” Leena took it in as calmly as she did everything. “We’ll pretend this is a normal B&B. All the rooms are full, so two of you will have to double up tonight. I suggest picking the one with the cleanest room, and moving that person into someone else’s. You’re IRS agents, so you can talk about the warehouse, assuming all you mention are the stacks of tax returns. I’ll be right there to play hostess.” With that, Leena hung up. Myka nodded and hurried back into the B&B. The cleanest room was Helena’s. She’d just moved back in, after all. She stopped in the door of the parlor, and gestured. Helena looked up and came out. “What did Leena say, darling?”

“We’re pretending this is a normal B&B. A couple of us will have to double up tonight, so there’s a room for that guy. I was thinking you could spend the night in my room, since your room is the cleanest and would be the fastest to prep for him, and my room is the biggest.”

To her credit, Helena didn’t even blink. “Very logical. I suggest we do that now, while Steve entertains our guest.”

They hurried upstairs, and began cleaning Helena’s room. It went very smoothly; they had spent a lot of time together in the field, so they knew how to move around each other and work in concert. Helena began emptying the closet and dresser of her things (mainly by taking the drawers out completely and dumping the contents on Myka’s bed). Myka stripped the bed, and took the dirty sheets and towels to the laundry room. Together they remade the bed and did a quick dust / vacuum. Myka grabbed a load of personal items from the end table, while Helena double checked to make sure they had everything. Myka had barely made it into her room when she heard Leena leading Joe up the stairs. A moment later Myka heard them speaking with Helena. Helena ducked into Myka’s room a moment later. “They caught me as I was coming out with the last of it! I don’t think Joe suspected anything, though.” Helena announced gleefully.

Myka stared at her and whispered, “I can’t believe this! Someone actually using this place as a bed and breakfast!” The two devolved into giggles. Then Myka gasped. “My gun and badge! I left them in the dining room!”

 

The two dashed back down the stairs, nearly running into Steve, who was exiting the parlor with the stack of reports he was supposed to be finishing. He grinned at them. “I don’t think Joe should see these.” Myka nodded earnestly. “Where’s Pete?”

“Collecting gloves and bags. Do you know how many of those we’ve managed to get around this place?”

“Ha.” Myka nervously laughed. She darted into the dining room and began frantically assembling her gun. Claudia was there too, trying to put all of her tools and parts in a box while simultaneously rebuilding the dissected tesla. Helena, seeing the panic in Myka’s eyes grabbed a rag and wiped up the grime and grease from the two projects. Leena walked into the dining room and looked them over. She then said quietly. “Claudia, our guest very nearly touched the snow globe. You left it on the end table.” Claudia gave a muffled “Eep!” and dashed to the door. While Joe was looking at the bookcase across the room, she snuck by and grabbed the offending artifact, dumping it in the box of tesla parts, and practically flew up the stairs to deposit the loot in her bedroom.

 

Joe joined them for dinner, which actually made Myka glad. She appreciated having at least one night where work could not be discussed. Conversation was a bit stilted in the beginning. Every person at the table started to say something, then looked at Joe, muttered “never mind”, and changed the subject. Eventually, Myka and Helena began discussing one of Andre Norton’s books. Helena had been catching up on the science fiction written since her bronzing. Claudia and Pete resorted to acting like immature teenagers, making inappropriate cracks and poking each other, while Steve held the bulk of the conversation with Joe.

After dinner Myka settled down with one of her favorite books. Helena settled down on the other end of the couch with a sketchbook, and Joe got roped into a card game with Claudia, Steve, and Pete. Things were actually pretty peaceful until Helena decided to go to bed. She leaned over to Myka. “I’m beat. I’m going up to bed, darling.”

“Right.” Myka answered. “I’ll be quiet when I come in.”

Across the room Myka heard Peter mutter. “They’re sharing a room?” He really wasn’t as discreet as he thought he was.

“Of course they’re sharing a room!” Claudia hissed back.

If Myka knew Pete, he now looked like a cat with a bowl of cream and a fish and a mouse. “Myka and Helena,” he sang, “sitting in a tree . . .” Before he could get any further, there was a zap, and Pete yelped. HG was standing directly behind Pete, discretely holding her tesla to his side. She bent down and murmured in Claudia’s ear. “You were quite right, Claudia, adding that resistor enabled an excellent shock setting.” She smirked, and sashayed out of the room. Pete definitely wanted to say something, but he couldn’t, not while Joe was sitting there. Claudia quickly turned the attention back to the cards, and they played a couple more rounds. As soon as Joe left, Pete took the opportunity to be outraged. “She tesla-ed me! She actually tesla-ed me!” Steve and Claudia laughed heartily, Claudia smacking Pete. “Relax! You’re still conscious, aren’t you?” Myka just rolled her eyes at the lot of them. “Pete, you impugned her honor. She is very traditional that way. Besides, Helena is staying in my room tonight because we needed a spare room for the guest.”

Pete piped up, “She could have bunked with me.”

“I’m trying to make her feel welcome to the warehouse, not get you killed.”

“Are you saying I couldn’t take HG in a fight?”

Myka just looked at him. “Right, right.” Pete conceded. “She does that kumbaya stuff.”

“It’s kempo.” Myka corrected. “And she is _very_ good at it.”

At that point Steve suggested another game, and Myka decided to go up to bed. As she went, she picked up the sketchbook that Helena had left open on the couch. Surprisingly, it was a sketch of Myka herself. Helena was a good artist, even if Myka didn’t approve of the subject. Myka entered her room quietly. Helena was already curled up on half of the bed, fast asleep. She got ready for bed as quickly and quietly as possible. Sliding under the covers, she relaxed. It was nice having someone to share a bed with again, even if it was only for one night.

 

The next morning, Helena was already up and out of bed when Myka woke. She stretched, dressed, and made her way down to breakfast. Helena greeted her with a cup of coffee, and they chatted pleasantly. Helena had just suggested going for a walk when Artie heralded his arrival with a shout. “Who’s this?” Joe was on the stairs, and the object of Artie’s ire. Artie then turned to glare at Leena. “What’s he doing here?”

“He’s a customer, Artie. This is a bed & breakfast, and we do get customers once in a while. Even way out here in Univille.”

Artie’s only response was to glare at Joe again, and then walk into the parlor shouting. “Pete! Myka! Claudia! Steve! Get in here!” Helena raised a questioning eye. “Yes, all right, you too, HG!” Claudia jumped out the side door, “Did we get a ping? Tell me we got a ping!”

“Yes, we got a ping. Why else would I be here?”

They gathered in the sun room, and Artie started passing out files. They were still discussing the latest rash of artifacts when Myka saw Joe drive off. She frowned slightly, thinking back over the last 18 hours. She really hoped he hadn’t noticed anything funny. Myka leaned over to Helena. “He’s gone. Do you think he suspected anything?”

“Oh, I certainly hope he did.” Helena murmured back.

And winked.

**Author's Note:**

> I take prompts! Hit me up at keziahm.tumblr.com


End file.
